I am in deep....very very deep cover. I am playing the part of a dedicated and thoughtful NP student.
Seriously, I have gone underground and will remain there until about the end of the 3rd week of June. So, no I haven't fallen off the flat end of the earth, I am not ingoring you, I am not depressed (wait, yes I am...jk), I am just consumed. I know I complain and whine about my classes, specifically this one, more than I should, it is just that I feel like it has taken custody of my life and if I don't behave it will punish me severely. So I bend to it's will, that I spend every minute of my procrastinated day either in a book, at the computer, or running around ensuring my clinical sites and my health compliance are all in order.
I miss everybody, I miss being able to do things, to plan things, to have carefree or not so carefree talks on the phone...lots of stuff. I forget my kids school programs and dates for camp, I have abdicated cleaning and supper making (that's right Housewife...S.U.P.P.E.R) So please don't hold it against me, feel that I am a bad friend, that I don't try hard enough or that I don't like you enough, or even that I am just a self-absorbed pseudofriend. I think about all of you more than you know and wistfully pine for the days that I can interact guilt-free.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done, and some days I really regret ever having any ambition whatsoever. I feel a lot of responsibility to get this stuff right, like it's do-or-die (the patients, not me of course). And although it sucks almost every single day of my life, there are times when I get a vision of what I can do, what changes I might be able to implement, that will bring relief and comfort to individuals, families, and hopefully to communities.
I will be leaving for Philly on June 14 and will be home June 21. I will be home for 2 weeks, then will go back down for 2-3 weeks. Then I hope to be doing clinical at NTC for a bit. Prayer please!
I will be in prayer for you. When are you planning on learning that second language again?? haha ☺
ReplyDeletei♥u
I can so totally identify...
ReplyDeleteI started the Ph.D. classes this week, am writing an Ethics Committee Handbook (which keeps growing - do you have any idea how broad this subject is?!! I'm not sure I would have taken it on if I had!) for the Ethics Committee at RPH, am trying to see clients once in a while and appear relatively competent at work, and have been presented with a very cool but demanding new opportunity - to create a five class sub-specialty for a master's level degree program in grief and bereavement from the ground up (write the curriculum and supporting handbooks, pick out the texts, and design the classes by January). Plus, as you are as well - trying to act like a mom once in a while... I feel like I'm in a delicate juggling act - but I do love pretty much every aspect of what I'm doing which definitely helps! :)
Actually, Tommy and I are thinking about throwing a little party for all of my girls and their families one evening this summer. Tommy likes to do big grilling (we get marinated chicken halves from a butcher) and I thought we could do pot-luck for the rest - interested in surfacing for a couple hours? You could do a little health assessment for me (on second thought, I'm not sure I want to know...) and I could offer a free therapy session! :)
OMGosh Amy...you are so funny! I might take you up on that therapy session!
ReplyDeleteThat BBQ sounds awesome. I love pot luck. I think all of the girls could use a couple of hours of "surfacing".
I was thinking of you today actually- I thought this was the week you started. The course development sounds like a lot of fun, as does the ethics handbook, really interesting....I am not sure both at once though!
uh yeah, learning that language.....I'll get back to you, Housewife!
ReplyDeleteIf you always do what you've always done, you will always be what you've always been. You, my fabulous friend, are a sign and a wonder! I'm so proud of you! I think of you as I am crying over my pansy Develpmental class. Let me know when you are unchained from the dungeon and we will make a "play date".xoxo
ReplyDeletePersonally I am just glad to know you are still alive. :)
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your super busy life right now. Three cheers for insane amibtion!!!
I have been planning to call you ALL day, but haven't done it yet. Glad I read this first so I wouldn't think you were self-absorbed pseudofriend when you didn't answer. :) haha JUST KIDDING! I have been thinking of you, though, and am glad you posted this. Now I'll leave you alone and know that you're okay. I'll miss you, but we all understand and respect that what you are doing is not an easy thing. AND it will be over before you know it! One day at a time, friend! :)
ReplyDeleteLove ya!
p.s. I'm SURE Amy was going to include me in the picnic, right Aim? If not I will be stalking your house all summer long. :) haha