Whew

It's over. I have put in my notice at work and I will be able to focus on school and family after February 1. Going back to work almost a year ago was not something I wanted to do wholeheartedly. I worried that my life would spiral out of control, I would never have time to do anything, that I would fail at school, and make myself and my family miserable. I did it primarily because I had a stipulation to fulfill for my studies. Well, the past year has resembled what I anticipated, although perhaps not to the degree I had imagined. Yes, things were more difficult managing home and family, relationships were neglected, but overall it was an experience I am glad I am not without. It has shown me a new appreciation for working moms, not to mention single working moms (a big shout out to all of you who do it!), and I have gained a perspective on the human condition that I didn't expect. There is some ambivalence, however. There is a part of me that really longs to be productive. I know, I know...being a wife and mom is productive. Being involved and interested in your family pays big dividends. No arguments from me. I don't want a job or career at the expense of that, but I want more. Having the mental and intellectual stimulation of colleagues, operating in a dynamic that is challenging, being fiscally rewarded for such, having a reason to get up, wear make-up and nice clothes...these are little things but they do a lot for self-worth. I really (for the most part) enjoyed my job, loved (for the most part :) the people I worked with, and enjoyed the aforementioned perks. But I am certain it is time to retreat a bit. Take my time back to study without guilt, tend to some parched relationships, clean my house ( I will do this in February), and enjoy being at home with my kids. Jeff says he knows what I am going to be doing with all of the time I gain, blogging. lol. (he thinks I can be a bit obsessive at times) I don't know about that, but it sure feels good to not cringe when the thought of taking on a new task comes up. And so, I am looking forward to returning to my life, and nourishing the parts that have been starved.